there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
