Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
