the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize