It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just cropdusted the office
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
