this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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