Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
