I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize