oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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