the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
