I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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