What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
