Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
