i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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