Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
