i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
