I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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