i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
