From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
