I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I didn't notice because vodka
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
