she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize