whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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