do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
