I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dear god my vagina.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
