Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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