I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
