God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
