alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
