I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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