Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i love accidental penises.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
