He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
