those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
