..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
