You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize