I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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