If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize