it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
