I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
