Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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