I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
