I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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