isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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