My Higher Power is John Stamos
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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