you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
