I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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