I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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