i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
