now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
