matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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