Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
