Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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