I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
