Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
