I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
