my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
