So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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