He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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