you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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