Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
