: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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