My first STD was from a foam party
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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