guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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