Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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