Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
