the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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