You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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