I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
