i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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