drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize