i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
