I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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